Right now I'm praying for direction. Sometimes I get so caught up worrying about what I want to do with my life that I lose sight of who's really in control. I remember this feeling two and a half years ago. The last place I wanted to end up was at NNU. I hated the feeling that I was expected to go there. I wanted to make my own decisions. I had high expectations for my life. I wanted to end up at one of the Ivy leagues, studying to be an art professor. In high school I pushed myself in a million different directions. Church, track, cross-country, yearbook, part-time job, newspaper, FCA leader, perfect 4.0 student, you name it. Funny how much my life has changed since then.
Now I cringe at the thought of commitments. I don't like being this way, but high school was not so good for me. I was not happy on the inside. Some pretty awful things happened to me back then. I don't know if I ever let myself get over them. Everytime something happened I got past it by pushing myself even harder.
I remember the day I sent my $200 deposit to NNU. I went home and cried all night. I knew God wanted me to be there, I just couldn't figure out why he was being so mean. This all sounds pretty stupid now.
God is so good. He always knows what he is doing. Coming to NNU was one of the best experiences in my life. I have grown so much. I have been able to spend a lot of time with my cousin and his top-notch family (not to mention go to Hawaii with them!) I have met some amazing friends who inspire me all the time. I have the best roomate and friend a girl could ask for. Oh yeah-and the most amazing and wonderful boy in the whole world!
All of these things came from one decision to follow God's plan instead of my own. I am not perfect. I am emotional, selfish, and indecisive, to name a few. But God is not. I choose to follow him wherever he leads me. I may not be back at NNU in the fall, I really don't know where I'll be right now, but I trust God to lead me and that means I need to stop worrying so much and enjoy where I am right now.
Thank you Father for being so patient with me.
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2 comments:
oh aubrey, you are so wonderful. i am beyond happy we are friends. i'll pray for you and these upcoming decisions you have to make. God knows what He's doing, and that's pretty comforting eh?
oh andrea. Hanging out with you would be one of the best reasons to stay. Thank you for your prayers. I love you woman.
By the way, I'm pretty sure you and Becca are the only ones who read my blog, but i'm okay with that.
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